Hold On

Hold on to what is good,

even if it's a handful of earth.

Hold on to what you believe,

Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.

Hold on to what you must do,

Even if it's a long way from here.

Hold on to your life,

Even it it's easier to let go.

Hold on to my hand,

Even if I've gone from you.

A tribute to my dear father who passed away peacefully from cancer on 29 January. I returned back from Ireland, (my second trip home in two months), after burying my dear father to face 'normality' again. I was presented with so many tokens of comfort and sympathy, especially at work, that my journey of grief suddenly became so much lighter. The above reflection, I received from the student social justice group. It left me in tears, at the time, I was having one of those days of great sadness. I was still frozen by the stark truth of reality. Nowadays, I treasure the beautiful memories, whilst I know, my Dad is more present to me than before. He is no longer restricted by worldly conditions.

He is my angel who has just helped me get through to putting a settlement on my property. This issue I have struggled with for the past nine years. Am looking forward to cutting these last ties with the father of my children on Thursday 9 April. It has been a legal struggle for the past year and a half. So folks have had a rollercoaster ride for the past few months. But as they say; 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'

Friends, am back from a rollercoaster month's holidays in Ireland. Yes, we had snow, frost, soft cold days and a little rain. For a place that gets dark at 5pm and bright at 8.00am alot seems to get covered.

My sudden flight home was due to the fact that my father was diagnosed with cancer of the pancreas, liver and lungs on December 1. Within four days of hearing the shocking and horrible news, I was by Dad's hospital bedside in Cork city, Ireland. I met a frail shadow of a man that I remember from my last visit, six years ago. My father has two months left of this life.

All six of my father's children and his wife were with him for the Christmas week. Even though Dad wasn't able to join in the feasting we had some wonderful moments of storytelling, laughter, tears and rest during our holiday. We learnt the importance of peacefully accepting the reality of the situation that was ours. The letting go is very hard to do but more painful is the effects of this disease on my beautiful, modest, gentle, polite, intelligent and faith filled father. His response to the dreadful news was; 'That's life.' It's how we live life that matters. Let us be grateful for all the wonder filled family moments that we can share.

THE MOUNTAIN JOURNEY

Aligning and conducting oneself on the grasslands.

Amidst the ridges of sand and driftwood stripped of bark.

Crossing the bridge,

With the memory of what one learnt higher up.

The goal to the mountaintop is not

The glamour of some iridescent light.

It’s about the great granite terraces in sun and shadow.

It’s about the sacred encounters on the ridges

The journey is not about

Getting away from this world.

It is about facing those glaciers.

Times when one feels utterly challenged

Aghast with the chill of not wanting to persevere

The mountain top vision is different.

It’s inviting and life-giving.

It’s not about who resides here,

But what we ourselves have left behind in coming here.

What is above knows what is below

But what is below does not know what is above

One climbs; one sees.

When one can no longer see, one can at least still know.

In no way can I take credit for this wisdom.

It is the gift of the holy mountain

The vision is brief

I want to hang on; stay on top forever.

Yet I must come down the mountain

To continue my journey:

Of Christ shaped encounters with others.

I have to let go.

The above inspiration is credited to my Year Twelve students. You see we are preparing them for Graduation in two weeks time. Our eighteen year old men are excitedly and anxiously preparing to leap out into that big fast world that has been beckoning them for the past four years of their lives. All of them in one way or another have had huge glaciers that they have overcome i.e. death, adoption, ADHD, Aspergers or learning difficulties. Inspite of all of this they are grateful for what their families and the educational system has done for them. Their mountain experiences has enabled them to be the truly beautiful fun loving young men that they have become. Yet, as a teacher, one remembers those moments when one wanted to hand them in at the local police station, more strongly. Maybe they were the moments where greatest learning occured for both parties. Alas, only time will tell!!

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well that's just fabulous."

Carrie Bradshaw

"What I never imagined before I was chaste was that I could hope to find someone to love the me I don't love. My weaknesses, my insecurities, my shorcomings, all the times I miss the mark."

Dawn Eden in the thrill of the chaste